The Invention of Romance by Massing Conni;

Author:Massing, Conni;
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Playwrights Canada Press
Published: 2016-12-08T00:00:00+00:00

ACT TWO

Lights fade up on kate at another press conference.

kate: Good morning! Thanks for coming—and thank you for your patience with the evolving nature of this exhibit. We are devastated that we will be unable to present De Amore at this time. However, given the generous and enthusiastic input we’ve received from the general public, we feel confident that we’ll be able to provide a deeply personal and illuminating retrospective . . .

A shift.

You may be wondering . . . the thing with my mom? Telling her I was getting married? I can’t actually explain that. And yes—I know—the situation is complicated by the fact that Edgar doesn’t exist.

And I say—so what? I could meet him tomorrow. Romance is hardly an exact science. In fact it’s pretty bloody random.

james enters, carrying a box.

james: Actually, romance is mostly science.

kate: Really.

james: I assume you know about pheromones: chemical substances that our bodies secrete. Some scientists have hypothesized that smell can play an even greater role in who we find attractive than physical appearance.

kate: “Secrete.” Somehow I find that concept incompatible with romance.

james: It’s not a complete explanation, of course but there are elements of biochemistry—

kate: It’s like we’re just atavistic robots, looking for symmetry in facial features and child-bearing hips and men who smell faintly of meat—all for breeding purposes.

james: Sometimes we’re not conscious of nature doing its work.

kate: So a gal just has to get a whiff of the right guy.

james: I imagine you’re being facetious, but yes—pheromones play a part in all our interactions. Reba, for example, absolutely loves the smell of cinnamon, which is especially odd because—

kate: Maybe we should get some feedback from the general public about romantic odours.

james: I was going to suggest that we include a section about the science of romance in the exhibit—

kate: How would we illustrate that—with scratch and sniff stickers or—

james: Never mind!

james starts to move off, exasperated.

kate: Wait—James—that’s probably a very good idea. I’m well aware that we’re a little short on content—

james: And yet you wanted nothing to do with the lute or the pony or the sonnets or—

kate: I’m sorry! I’m sorry I wasn’t terribly receptive to the extraordinary effort you made with the pony—and everything else. I guess I’ve been feeling a little insecure about your sudden rise through the ranks. Petranella obviously thinks very highly of you. (a beat) As do I.

james: I apologize if bringing in the pony seemed . . . unprofessional. It won’t happen again.

kate: Fine.

An awkward moment.

(looking inside the box james is carrying) Is that Harvest Mooning?

james: Yes. I hate to admit it but I’m a little stymied.

kate: Why?

james: I’ve found several iterations of the same title, all published after the original version your mother was in—but they have very different endings. You said Prue and Chuck were the romantic leads but I’ve yet to find a version in which they end up together.

kate: What? That’s crazy.

james: It’s definitely peculiar. This is a romantic comedy, after all. I can’t imagine what the author was thinking.

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